counterfaith | (no subject)

(no subject)

[ let's say this is chaldea or something

it's a raid event and everyone not assigned to it is doing spring cleaning, divided by classes. extra class gets to clean the bathrooms

you get to clean the toilets, dantes. but don't worry your good old buddy old pal shirou is here to help you, ]

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[ why is this my life, afterlife,

also like in theory Dantes knows how modern toilets work but he hasn't had intimate experience with them. he doesn't want to ask Shirou for help but he is still daring down the one he's set to clean with Determined Uncertainty. ]

[ don't worry he's from 1600s he's here to help ]

Is there something the matter, Dantes-san?

[ you've like, used these before, haven't y, ]

[ I don't think servants poop, ]

Of course not. As if I could have issue with such a simple ... contraption.

[ everyone poops, even 72 demons in a body do, ]

A contraption?

[ innocuously enough that you can suspect he might be laughing at you internally but he won't ever show it ]

Certainly, it is one. A pumice stone would work better for cleaning, by the way.

[ helpfully, ]

[ there's a beat, and he swaps out the rag he had been wielding to look in the cleaning supplies for a stone ]

Of course, I knew that as well. I was simply testing your own knowledge on the subject!

It seems you have passed my trial well.

[ he's going to s

very carefully even tone, without a hint of laughter ]

Could it be, Dantes-san -- you've never cleaned a toilet before?

... When I was on my mission of vengeance I had no time for such mundane activities!

[ don't make him throw the stone ]

It's certainly too bad . . . cleaning is a necessary skill to learn to, in order to live in this modern age. I had to learn that, too.

[ being a church lackey was sufferi, ]

We have no need for these, but for the sake of our master, we should work hard. For the sake of those who are asleep under this place, as well.

[ a "hmph", his shadows getting kinda jaggedy around himself ]

Of course I did not imply that doing this, now, was beneath me. But ... I am not very experienced in these tasks.

[ doesn't laugh. admirably ]

Our master surely had the foresight for such an issue, when he paired us up -- I am fortunate to have the experience and knowledge of cleaning. Certainly you might not have the experience, but I'm happy to assist you.

Won't you rely on me?

[ to help u clean toile, ts, ]

[ he glares a bit but there's no real, venom behind it, more just like an

ugh. why this person. ]

... Very well. But do not think I could not do this by myself. I am more than used to the ingenuity solitude can force.

I have no doubt that you can do so without assistance. Though, I'm concerned about the integrity of the toilet afterwards . . .

[ anyway ]

First, it would be best to put on different gloves.

This toilet has done nothing to deserve my wrath ... To destroy it would be rather counterproductive.

[ does, switch his gloves, wordlessly -- to some plastic cleaning ones ]

Even with gloves on, it's best to roll up your sleeves. The water is perfectly clean, but it's a form of mental fortification.

[ kind of ]

The stone is to be used for the inside of the bowl.

Fool! I have scrubbed a deck before, you do not need to explain something like that as if I am some child.

[ angrily!!! rolls up !!!! his sleeves!!!!! ]

Then simply apply the stone like you would a mop, until the inside is completely white. This spray will help.

[ here some cleaning spray ]

It's particularly dangerous, so please be careful.

Are you going to clean any of these toilets yourself, or simply lecture me on the minute details of how to?

[ grumpily, taking the spray ]

And however dangerous this spray is, it cannot compare to what my body is already composed of.

Of course. Once you're done with that, the rag is good for cleaning the outside.

[ lets out a small laugh, then ]

I wouldn't underestimate it.

[ anyway disappearing to, the stall over, ]

[ good

if dantes is nothing else he is Determined so the toilet is getting the cleaning of its goddamn lifetime. ]

[ i hope you don't break it,

while he's working, ]

So, you were a sailor before?

[ it might get a lil singed ]

Before my imprisonment... I lived that blissful, ignorant life.

[ sir, ]

Certainly, bliss is ignorance.

Do you miss the seas?

The seas were like a home to me, once. But providence had chosen a different course for me.

[ "providence" said more than a little derisively ]

My thoughts of the sea are bittersweet.

The Lord works in mysterious ways.

[ hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha ]

[ HAHAHAHA,

there's bitterness in his voice even if they can't see each other's faces ]

His methods are ones that are far beyond my divination.

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